Whether you’re a skier, skater, biker or you participate in the Luge you’re always looking for an adrenaline rush. Whether its sending a 60 foot jump to flat, or doing drugs until your heart almost explodes you’re always looking for something. And now coronavirus may have left you bored in your house longing for an encounter with death. Well don’t you fret, I have come up with five great ways to get the adrenaline pumping within the safety of your home.
Number 1: Autoerotic Asphyxiation
With everyone in quarantine right now I know all of you have been beating your meat an excessive amount. Some of you may be applying some lotion to your penis right now to help soothe the burns left by your calist hands. One way to add a little excitement to your personal time is to grab your nicest belt, rap it around your neck, pull it as tight as you can and get to fappin. Once all the oxygen leaves your brain you will feel a pleasure that few have helt before. The key with this is timing when to loosen the belt because obviously if you leave it on too long you will suffocate and die but you have to leave it on long enough for you to cum. It’s a serious tightrope walk but when you get it just right it is heavenly.
Number 2: Stick A Fork In An Electrical Outlet
Now this one is a classic. some of you may remembering hearing tales of this from your teachers when you were just a wee lad. The only problem though is that teachers only tell you about the risks of sticking a fork in an electrical socket and electrocuting yourself but there are many benefits as well. For starters it makes your hair look super cool. And most importantly it sends a rush through your body that will make you forget all about your wife, mostly because it is going to cause brain damage and you will suffer from severe memory loss but you don’t know pleasure until you’ve felt 10000 volts rushing through your body.
Number 3: Do Way Too Much Cocaine
This one is probably the most fun of all of these. Get one of your buddies to come over, do a shitload of coke, like an absurd amount of coke and play ping pong together. ping pong is great for social distancing because a regulation ping pong table is 9 feet long so you’ll always be at least 9 feet away from each other. So what you do is just keep doing cocaine and playing ping pong so you don’t spread corona and then just do coke until you have a very minor heart attack. Not many things get your blood pumping like having a brief conversation with Satan after a drug overdose.
Number 4: Play The Knife Game
So this one doesn’t really have a chance of death but you very well could slice your finger clean off. The Knife game is the game you probably played in middle school with pencils. But now its time move up to the big leagues and put some serious felangees on the line. This guy in the video is insanely good at this, don’t expect it to go that well for you.
Number 5: Russian Roulette
This is by far the most dangerous thing on this list. If Russian Roulette goes wrong, thats guaranteed death and there’s like a 25% chance of russian roulette going wrong. But I mean thats why this ones so fun. Its invigorating knowing you had a 25% chance of certain death and you were spared by gods hand, thats some erotic stuff. But just know that with this one if you keep on doing it you will most definitely die.
Its important to stay active while in quarantine and keep doing things that make you happy. If you just sit on your ass and watch netflix all day you’re gonna go fucking crazy. Hopefully these are enough near death experiences to tide you over for the nex couple weeks. And if not just watch jackass and i’m sure you’ll get a few good ideas.
P.S Just a reminder in case you’re really fuckin stupid, don’t actually do any of these things.
Gnarstool Sports 